career

Introversion, feelings of regression in Singapore

There’s something about being back in Singapore that’s brought out the worst case of shyness and introversion in me.

I’m naturally introverted and there’s nothing wrong with that. But lately, the hesitation to speak up about how I really feel about things is debilitating and it really sucks.

The funny part of it all is that I felt I was a completely different person in my months overseas. I think being in Australia and Japan nurtured extraversion in me. And as a friend pointed out, it’s perhaps because no one knew me in Oz that I could let out the inhibitions within myself.

Coming back to Singapore it’s like I’m feeling the effects of culture shock, which is strange because I grew up here thus I ought to know better. However, I googled, and apparently there’s such a thing called reverse culture shock where the subject who’s been overseas for a period of time finds it hard to re-adapt to her country of origins.

Subjects: Life 生涯

Mood: Philosophical Musings

Tags: career, culture shock, Fukuoka 福岡, healing, introversion, Japan, Singapore, Sydney

Fulfilment

Been questioning myself on the reasons, besides money and accountability to my parents, for taking up my present job.

Perhaps, it was the boredom of doing nothing-particularly-interesting that made me desire work ASAP. However, looking deeper, I think it must have been ego at play.

Society valuates a person’s worth according to the quantity/quality of economic contribution. In other words, I’d probably been an economic liability for the last few months, despite my personal satisfaction from learning a new language.

It never helped whenever I bumped into people that I’d not seen for months.

They’d go: “So, what have you been up to of late? Graduated? Already working?”
And I’d be: “Yeah” to the first, “no” to the second.”
Then they’d go: “Cannot find job ah
And I’d be like, “well…not exactly… Haven’t really been out searching. Learning Japanese right now….”
Then they’d look and me and go: “[short pause]… I see…”

Maybe it was sensitivity on my own part; perhaps the mildly-disapproving looks that I thought I was receiving, derived, in actuality from my own imagination. At times, I couldn’t help feeling weak and incapacitated, torn between doing what I wanted and what society expected me to. Not many people know this, but during the period of November-December, I must have been suffering from a bout of depression: I would be sitting down at home reading a book when I’d experience a wave helplessness suddenly overwhelming and choking me.

Subjects: General

Mood: Discoveries & Relevations, Philosophical Musings

Tags: career, hyperthyroid, Japanese, wanderlust, yoga

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