Introversion, feelings of regression in Singapore

Posted 2009-03-27 (金) 午後11:31 by terra

There’s something about being back in Singapore that’s brought out the worst case of shyness and introversion in me.

I’m naturally introverted and there’s nothing wrong with that. But lately, the hesitation to speak up about how I really feel about things is debilitating and it really sucks.

The funny part of it all is that I felt I was a completely different person in my months overseas. I think being in Australia and Japan nurtured extraversion in me. And as a friend pointed out, it’s perhaps because no one knew me in Oz that I could let out the inhibitions within myself.

Coming back to Singapore it’s like I’m feeling the effects of culture shock, which is strange because I grew up here thus I ought to know better. However, I googled, and apparently there’s such a thing called reverse culture shock where the subject who’s been overseas for a period of time finds it hard to re-adapt to her country of origins.

In my first month back here it was especially hard; this was compounded by the fact that I was working for a company whose work values I could not appreciate, not to mention the work was something I felt I could not excel in. Thank god at least that’s behind me now and my new work is a lot better.

Nonetheless, I still feel a little trapped in this small country. Everyone’s so warped up by the busyness of day-to-day that they fail to stop and smell the roses. I miss the days in Sydney/Fukuoka where just being at the harbour, the botanic gardens, the yatais, with friends with appreciation for the more meaningful things in life, helped make life so much more interesting.

Back in the familiar shores, I feel that I’ve been yanked back, quite rudely, into my shell, and it’s frustrating: it’s as though I’m losing whatever sense of independence and adventurousness that I felt back there. I would like to turn back into the person I was last year and I fear sometimes that the only way to do so is by not being here.

Here’s to hoping that my internal turmoil will turn around for the better soon.